It still bothers me.
I didn't heed that inner voice that said, "Buy her lunch."
I stood and waited for her to dig in her handbag. Watched as her calloused hands searched her pockets for more loose change. Her whole meal was paid for with coins. When would she save enough to eat again? I should have paid for her dinner.
It was months ago. I am still haunted by the scene.
Why didn't I do it? Why didn't I pay the price. It would have been an easy task.
It wasn't that I didn't care. It broke my heart. She was homeless, hurt shadowed her eyes, despair clouded her countenance. She was outlined in roughness.
She wasn't expecting anything from me.
I don't think she noticed my concern. If she did, she realized how shallow it was.
I am genuinely sorry now.
I want to rewind the tape. Let's call it rehearsal. My heart has been tendered for the part I am called to play. I will not resist the nudge this time. The Director will give His cue and I will not ignore his prompting.
Tears are streaming down my face with sorrow.
Truly it is here I must pause, reflect, and grieve.
I have repented. Why won't this go away?
Grace.
The Lord will not let me forget. I have asked Him to remind me.
"Don't let this scene fade from my heart, Lord. Don't let me forget this sorrow. I never want to ignore the ache of it, lest I fail again."
When I failed to feed her, I failed to feed Him.
Asking for more grace. Grace to see Him in the "hers" of the world so that I will be faithful to the urge to give.
Matthew 25:31-46
Despising the goat inside of me.
Pleading for a sheep's heart. baaaaa
oh, that could have been me. i mean as you. :)
ReplyDeletemy heart has gone cold at the thought of the
thing i should have done and just didn't.
He will give us many more chances, i hope.